vents

the tuesdays civic lesson for this week and last week has left me annoyed for a couple of reasons. mainly because it reminds me of something unfortunate. but thats beside the point.

lets face it. almost all of us will have the urge to blame somebody for your misfortune even though its ultimately all yor fault. but somehow, we tend to rebel at the fact. find a scapegoat or two and shove all the blame on them. why? well, i guess for me, its therapeutic. especially when i start thinking about any particular incident. its an on and off thing. my mind (not personality) is highly Schiziophrenic. sometimes i wish i could make every single living moment of that person as miserable as possible. sometimes i quietly say its my fault and either languish in that thought or try to do something about it.

well. revenge is an option too. if you are evil that is. well, i plan stuff too. then i imagine how well it will go. thats as far as it can get. i mean whats the point of vengeance really? aside from the potential self satisfaction that you can at least inflict some pain upon the person who hurt you. but then again, imagining the look of horror on the person's face as your evil diabolical plan comes to fruitition is pretty darn good. assuming you do have good imagination that is. but then again, imagining the whole thing saves you a hell lot of time and not to mention the amount of inconvenience if you plan fails. so i guess that means revenge=not very good.

so what happens if there is a person who you intermittenly wish you can do something totally evil to dont't know. like recently i see one such person facing some problem of which i don't know. but i do know it seems to me a big problem because its taking its toll on the person. well, actually i'm not too sure on that either. anyways, there are times when i see the person and i'm grinning in satisfaction that the person is getting some kind of retribution without me doing it. but there is a small voice at the back of my head telling me dont be so bad. most of the time, i listen to that small voice.

but ultimately what does all the above mean? i dont know. maybe it means nothing to you. but i think its something worth thinking about. hmm.